He Knew
by HopefulMe
Summary: In Sirius mind there was never any doubt whether or not James knew about his feelings. WARNING, mentioning of Slash.


_Title: _He Knew,

_Summary: _In Sirius mind there was never any doubt whether or not James knew about his feelings.

_Pairing: _Sirius/James,

_Rating: _T,

_Genre:_ Romance, Humor & Angst,

_Warning:_ Slash,

_AN: _My submission for the 2012 Hogwarts Games, - Boxing. 

**Rules/guidelines**_: Participants of this event must write a one shot or drabble using a slash pairing of their choice. You will have 4 days to submit this piece. The three best entries will be awarded places._

When nothing goes right, go home. That was the thought running through Sirius Blacks mind as he poured himself another shot of whiskey. The ember color liquid mocked him; it teased him for not being able to do just that. He never knew what home was, never fully understood what it meant or what purpose it had, but he did know that home was something he lacked off. He leaned his elbows onto the darkened wood, and placed his hands onto his cheeks before looking straight in front of him.

Looking back was not the man he had expected to see. His black, long, curly and lifeless hair had been changed due to some poorly made jinxes into a mop of blond, messy hair. His eyes were no longer brown but green, yet you could still see that characteristic madness within them.

This new look reminded him of the people he loved, the people he missed and the people that he had unmistakably failed to save. The bartender walked up to him, the blond female had her hair pulled back in a ponytail and as she stood before him he saw pity in her eyes.

"Can I get you something?" Sirius was just about to reply when the chair next to him was pulled out and Remus sat down on the empty seat.

He looked first at Sirius and then turned to the bartender. His blond hair was still wet and scars ran down his face and onto his shoulders. Sirius hadn't been there for him during the transformation, but experience told him that it hadn't been a good night for old Moony.

He had always been skinny, always and even more now than ever. He leaned his arms onto the wooden board, looking thoughtfully at the bottles in front of him. He was acting playful, yet Sirius could tell that this was so much more than a playful visit.

"Tequila please," he said after a few moments, the bartender took down two tiny glasses in a rapid speed before placing them in front of Remus, pouring in such a tiny amount of alcohol that it became a mystery to Sirius how one could get drunk on tequila. As soon as the bartender had left them, he looked over at Sirius pushing over one of the two glasses to him. "I need to get you talking."

He poured down the contents of the tequila, making a face as she strong alcohol burned his throat. He had expected Sirius to do the same, but the man before him only looked at him with a dazed expression on his face.

"I'm way beyond the point of talking," Sirius said, pushing the tiny glass back to Remus again, he looked over at the bartender whom, though being in the middle of pouring someone a drink, still managed to wink at him. "If you give me that shot I might move on to sex. And I'm pretty sure Tonks wouldn't be so happy about that."

Remus had seen the exchange, he wasn't too bothered, nor was he too shocked. If Sirius had sex with that woman, it wouldn't be because he truly was interested. It would be to numb the pain, to get rid of the rest of the world and to find something which he could indulge him in and make the world continue spinning without him on it. The thought of a world without Sirius scared Remus more than he had ever admitted, yet he could tell that the world had not been good on his friend.

"Finding us having sex?" Remus asked after a few moments, playing along. Sirius held the glass with whiskey in it, leaning it up against his cheek; a smirk covered his face as he nodded his head. "I wouldn't like it either, but I'm guessing you would."

"You know I've always fancied your little bum Moony," Remus let out a loud laughter, but Sirius just smiled at him.

He knew where this talk were going, it would always go back to that day, that moment, that time when everything was better: when he was happy, not happier, just happy. Sirius was not a hard man to satisfy, he only needed two things: James and Remus, his two best friends also known as the love of his life and his brother.

"You really like my bum don't you?" Sirius bent backwards, pretending to look at it while humming.

Remus only laughed at his antics, being used to this strange fascination Sirius had with bums, not just his own but everyone's. Sirius sat down normally again, this time facing Remus as to look him in the eye.

"It got nothing on James' but yes I do seem to hold a strange fascination with it," Sirius responded, taking another sip. He could feel the blood drain from his face and Remus smile had suddenly vanished at the mentioning of their best friend, of James. It still hurt to say his name, to think about him and knowing that that was as close as they could ever get to seeing him again before dying. "I'm sorry for being so selfish about him."

"It's okay Sirius," Remus poured down the last shot of tequila, smiling as he patted Sirius shoulder. "You loved him in ways that I never did and I don't think he ever knew."

Sirius didn't argue, but he knew in his heart he knew that James knew.

Every bittersweet kiss, every lingering touch, the way James would look at him when he thought that no one noticed. It was always there, in the little signs that most people seemed to miss, that everyone missed. But the love they had felt for each other was everlasting, it was present even after James death.

It would always be so even when both men were no longer in the world.

Did he know? Sirius was sure of it.

**THE END**


End file.
